He is one of my older brother’s friend, we met when he with some other friends came to my house to do homework. I got a crush at the first time I saw him. He is gorgeous. That is when I was 16. Every time I saw him, I just couldn’t say anything but hello.

When I was 18, the guy in my class asked me for a date, I said yes.

I broke up for the first time at 19 years old. I was sad and went to a coffee shop to get some peace. After I sat down, I looked up and there was the guy waving at me. When I recognized who he is, my heart started to beat really fast. My brother’s friend again. My heart took over my mind, I waved back and smiled .

He came to me and I had noticed that he had changed a lot. I knew that he had traveled for couple years. His hair was a lot shorter, his skin was darker than before. I could even see muscles under his T-shirt. I hated myself at that time because I couldn’t control it. I still had felling for him.

He said that he had just been back for couple days. I was thrilled to know that he was living in an apartment which is 5 minutes walking from the coffee shop.

We talked for a while, he told me about his traveling experiences and then he asked me if I needed any helps. I honestly said that I had had some problems with my science classes. My brother always said that he helped him a lot with his too.

He told me to come after school so he could explain for me which I still didn’t understand. He is kind.

I just needed him to tutor me 3 days a weed cause I didn’t want to take all his time.

He said that online job is his main one but he also was a model of a photo studio. That was what he did before coming to the coffee shop.

He had never let me wait there, he always came before I arrived. Once, He called me and said that he would be 15′ late, so I was there and waited for him.

When he came, his suit which I guessed for the photos still on, it made him more handsome. He kept saying sorry for letting me wait. And the reason for his late was his photo shooting partner felt and broke her ankle so they had to stop and brought her to the ER.

I asked if his girlfriend would jealous when she know that he met me like that. His answer was”I’m still single for now”.

That answer made me so happy.

We had been meeting each other for about 6 months, I felt like we were getting closer, we gave jokes, we laughed. I even came to his apartment to cook sometime.

Then he gave me a horrible notice that he had to go to Japan because his mom needed help with her business over there.

I decided to tell him about my feeling because I knew that my be my last chance.

I asked him to go to a movie theater. When he was walking me to my dorm, I held his hand to make him stop, looked into his eyes

and I finally said that 3 words.

He still looked at me but didn’t say a word. Then he pulled me close to his chest and whispered “I’m sorry. I’m gay”.

I was shocked.

Then he said that he could me my closest friend, he could be my brother but he couldn’t be my lover.

I hadn’t talk to him until I got his message, it said that he were going to the airport and goodbye.

I was just upset at him even though it wasn’t his fault. I was so stupid. I had no reason to blame him.

I really wanted to say goodbye to him so I asked him when his flight was. I was still have time so I went to the airport. When I saw him, I ran into him. He hugged me and said sorry. He said he had always wanted to have a little sister so he hoped that i would be her but I needed more than that.

I told him that I will try to be his little sister and turn my feelings of him into respect.

Love is something that really hard to explain, right?

I don’t want him to feel guilty because he couldn’t return my love.

He may be the only guy that I can not hate.